I’m getting frustrated that everything is SUPER EXPENSIVE on adobe. Like, I’m a freaking SOPHOMORE IN HIGH SCHOOL. I don’t have the money to afford a monthly subscription to a cloud thing that I’ll probably use like 3 times in a month because of my hectic and crazily unmanageable schedule. Although I usually should be not as tired, I think I have a little too much on my plate right now. HR Pre-calc is totally a joke right now but I can barely remember the review things (or is that from a lack of my interest in the class/ teacher?) So far I’m loving my English teacher, Mr. Valassidis, and of course AP Euro’s Mr. Lively is great as well.
I’m honestly not sure how I feel about DiFiore, but it’s only the third day of school, so I’ll just have to see.
I honestly feel that the older I get, the faster time seems to go by. In like what, 4 months? I’ll be sixteen. And taking my AP exam. And not soon after that, I’ll be in junior year, taking the ACTUAL SAT . Then I’ll…
Instead of going off on a tangent (or perhaps a cosine hue) I’ll have to get something off my chest.
In the summer, I felt that I was over with relationships and things of that nature because I wanted to focus on school-y matters (because I tend to get sidetracked pretty easily). BUT of course things don’t go my way, as the saying goes about the best laid plans of mice and men… And I ended up realizing that I do indeed like one of my friends. But it’s a weird feeling not a real desire to be in a relationship with him, but more of like a feeling that I just want to be around him because he makes me laugh and
forget the struggle of poorly phrased questions in 5th period Precal. If anything, I’d compare it to the feeling of warm and fuzzy kittens. You wouldn’t date a kitten. But I can’t help but feel… I guess, um, guilty? for feeling this way about a friend. Because as the majority of my friends are guys, there’s this one line that we don’t cross. We’re a family. And having any other feeling that isn’t platonic makes me feel so so so guilty. Because I’m not supposed to feel this way.
What makes it worse is that we don’t have classes together at all (unless I’m forgetting??) and that my friends are saying that he probably has feelings back for me as well. But if they don’t know for sure I wish they’d try to convince me otherwise, because the feeling of not liking anyone is the best and most liberating feeling of all.
This one post is getting really long but hey, it’s my blog.
I’m deadly afraid of anyone i personally know finding my blog because I’ll probably write about that person or something. And then it’ll break my social faςade that I have going on. I say faςade because I don’t think that anyone really knows me, like the true me that exists and thinks frivolous, sentimental thoughts and plays words as if they are playing cards, and how I -metaphorically- set my pawns on the chessboard. Not in a manipulative way, but in more of a strategic way.