Hung Out To Dry

Gee, it’s been like… What, 3 months? Since I started liking that guy?  But still, things haven’t really simmered down for me. I don’t think, at least.

I know that I’m fighting a losing battle, but for me, it’s a battle worth fighting. But why? I mean, it’s kind of like the Iliad…HE’S the one holding all of the cards. I’ve got something better than cards though, I’ve got the element of confusion on my side, and a single trump card. I’ve got a strategy. But I’ve got worse odds, because if I play this wrong I lose everything that I’ve built up.

Everything.

“I’m on the run and go.”

It doesn’t really help that I’m sick today and the only thing on my mind is that guy. And also the biggest question that hangs over me: I WAS SO SO SURE THAT HE LIKED ME, BEFORE ANOTHER COMPLICATION CAME UP. Now I don’t even know, is he playing me? Or is he just being himself? Am I the one playing myself on emotions that don’t even exist -emotions from him to me? I’m just confused and achy and lonely and sweaty, gross. I wish I could get over him, or that he’d find a girlfriend, or that we’d miraculously work out. But if she tries to take him away, I WILL fight for him.  Because to me, he’s more than just a love interest. There’s too much past connection and symbolism and drama in our meeting again after three years that I can’t let go. And somewhere deep inside me there broods the thought, the doubt, that we’ll never work out. Which is okay, as long as we can remain friends. I love him so much in a friendly way, sometimes a bit more, but I know that to me he is SO SO SO much more than simply a love interest. And I love him for who he is.

A friend.

Hung Out To Dry

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