I tend to only blog when I’m either bored or emotionally desperate for an outlet. And today is the latter.
I’m so caught up in my emotions for you, it really isn’t fair for the both of us. So what I’m thinking now is that if I can just cut ties with you wouldn’t it be better for the both of us? You wouldn’t have to deal with my cripticism. And I wouldn’t have to suffer because of you.
But “the best of us can find happiness in misery”, isn’t that what they say?
I don’t know. I had planned to miss my own cominghome, but now I feel as if I’d just poured salt into my own wounds. I don’t know why I’m letting myself hurt over you. And it’s stupid. I know THAT.
I think the biggest part of this comes from the tiniest part of me that secretly wants more than what we have right now, and I just wish that I could cut away that part of me. I’m already a dead Romantic anyways. My dreams of romance have been shattered long ago and nothing is strong enough to remedy that.
There is one question that I want to ask you that would clear up the fog, but of course asking it is either the best choice ever or pure suicide. High risk, high reward. But I won’t ask it, so you’ll never answer it, but the question is multi-parted. Prepare to write an FRQ on this-
How do you feel about me? If the answer is what I dread, is there any chance of change? If the answer is what I previously suspected and I hope is the case, will you have any action on your feelings, as you know mine? Now that I have changed you and broken your shell, will you utilize your new emotional freedom and leave me, forgetting about me?
What if my only duty to you was to act as your catalyst? What if the only thing between you and me was that I was a mere instrument in your awakening? Am I inconsequential to you?
I’m hopelessly lost in the game, and I take pride in being a veteran, a survivor of the game. But sometimes it gets to be a little too much. There are too many questions left unanswered, and every second that I brood upon them leaves me sad, and one step closer to being an emotionally devoid corpse.
that loves you.