There are so many missed opportunities that I’ve gone through. Those realizations sting, but that’s a temporary pain. All pain is temporary, everything is temporary.
This too, shall pass.
And I wish that I could go back and change some things, so that all the hands would fall as I want them to.
But that’s history for you.
Today could’ve worked out to be amazing, but that’s how the castle walls fall.
Happy 5 month anniversary to me. 5 months of me suffering for nothing, 5 months of me happily dying. Thank you for the pain and memories. One more month and I’ll have been in this trap for half a year. HALF OF A FREAKING YEAR.
And it boggles my mind to see people like
B—— get a girlfriend, I just can’t- COMPREHEND IT. But if anything, it’s probably because their “love” or their “like” isn’t as true as it should be. As unconditional as it should be. True feelings take time to build. I don’t want to settle for less. What is the point of a relationship anyways? Some people say that it’s to have a friend that you can make out with. Isn’t that just an official friends with benefits? What compels people to get into relationships anyways? What makes friendship so dissatisfying? Just when I realized that I wanted to be more than friends, I asked myself, “Why?”. I don’t see why friendship doesn’t satisfy what we have, why do I reach for more? And if I were braver, I’d bring myself to tell you. But I’m not brave anymore, I’m broken. I don’t want to push you to do something that you don’t want, because right now I’m nothing more than a friend to you and I don’t have the right to force you into anything at all.
I’d ask myself why I fell in love with you in the first place, but that’s stupid because I know exactly all of the reasons why I loved you then and I love you now. And I’m settling into the small little niche I’ve dug, trying to satisfy myself with what we are now. But for some strange reason it’s not enough anymore, and it won’t be for a while.