Formally Winter, I’ve Already Come Home

It’s okay if You don’t want to
Go with Me.
But are you going to agree to Her
merely because you must?
You’re not the type to speak up against a friend
Despite your conflicting feelings.
And those feelings conflict mine.
Is a friend just a “friend”?
So that just leaves me wondering Why you do What you do.
What if I had asked You?
You’d probably say yes out of no desire in particular
Which would hurt me more than rejection, to be honest.

And even if we were together
You’re the kind of person
To say “sorry, she asked me first
And I don’t break promises.”
I’d be forced to sit on the sidelines
Or sit at home
And make miserable playlists
To make up for the music I would miss
As I missed you.

I’d think of the slow dance at the very end
The one that I’d missed last year when I came home too early
From Homecoming.
And thinking of your hands and hers-
That would make me want to overdose on music so that I could black out
But my musical solace would hurt me worse, like shards of glass in my index finger
As I press “Play” on the song that we first shared together
as I envision my first slow dance stolen
By “just a friend” of yours.

Formally Winter, I’ve Already Come Home

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