Memories of Death

I remember Death
Like yesterday,
Like the time when I was three and you were five,
The time when you swore to G-O-D that shh, don’t tell my mom I said G-O-D, that I’m going to run away when I’m sixteen and join the circus
In their circus antics, and that
I would be the lion tamer because
I could always tame your toddler anger no matter what.

I remember Death
Like yesterday, when you in your sixteen year old rage
Refused to listen to me, merely fourteen, what in goddamn hell’s name do I know, give me the bottle back, me screaming as glass goes everywhere, you screaming because I am, nobody hearing us.
Me telling you to stop, you yelling back that it’s fucking different now, me sobbing.
You taking the gun and pointing it up, up at the face I’d known since forever, me trying to take it, failing- I’m a failure, me sobbing as you bleed and me wishing nobody would find us but of course they do,
Of course
Of course they do,
Sobbing and sobbing.

I remember Death as he took my friend, my brother by everything but blood, my everything.
If only i could give you some of mine before it was too late, if only
If only,
If only.
If only you had left me with anything but your lonely body looking like it’s sleeping, if only you’d left me with a better memory than that of Death,
If only,
If only,
If only.

Memories of Death

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