We share the same name of
And we share the same feelings
Of not having any.

You are nothing to me but
Cigarette burns on leatherette car seats
From teenagers smoking weed all the way to
In the limousine rented with daddy’s money
They are too stoned to care that they
Are turned away by the disapproving school principal,
Shaking his head like
“No, no
These kids are what makes us
Lose funding.”
And still they
Laugh it off and
Hazily wander the streets of the town, like
The smoke from their mouths—
You mean nothing to me
Like missing prom for something better.

But at the same time I want you so bad
Like the one time blackout binge
Over Sally’s ex-boyfriend and
Wanting to forget that one person
Turning into one drink too many,
Getting wheeled away into the hospital where they give you
The IV drip to hydrate you.
I need you like that IV,
I need you bad.

This is where logic fails to divide with emotion
Everything blurs, including that thin line that tells me
To not cross it,
To put the phone down
And never text you again.
It blurs like mascara mixed with tears and some vodka
From a night out of me trying too hard to be someone I’m not
Because I know that who I really am
Is someone that you threw away
(Although I can’t bring myself to throw you away.)

Being half over it and
Three quarters sad
Is how the math works for me.
But know that once this song and dance is over
And the night has concluded along with its parties
I shall end and be over as well.
Perhaps in the way you want me to.
Perhaps in the way you dread.


2 thoughts on “Ambiguity 

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